2008 goals

To conclude 07 hasnt been too bad, but life can only get better. 08 will be the best year of my life. Poker will continue to be my profession as I pound the books. I will have my 08 goals posted soon. Stay positive know and feel what you want and it will become. Everythign we dream is possible IS.

As promised I will outline my goals and desires for 2008, in no particluar order.

• Transfer to a four year college.
• Get in the best shape of my life.
• Move in with the love of my life and our son.
• Continue improving my poker game while steadily moving up the stakes(see poker blog).
• Enjoy every moment of every day.
• Reduce my alchol intake to next to nothing.
• Travel.
• Learn to surf.
• Eat and live healthy.

I probably could come up with a few more but this looks pretty solid. I may examine each goal and discuss how it will be achieved later. Today is my last day of being a drunken bum so i am sitting here drinking beer. I am very excited about 08. This is going to be a great year. May you all have an awesome New Year!!!

P.S. Be safe, dont drink and drive.

Life is what you ______ make it.

Who didnt know that? For most of my early years I chose to struggle. I was always in trouble in school or with the law. I never truly enjoyed living much and many times considered suicide. Now this isnt some sob story or attempt at inspiration either, just the cold hard truth. It took a real fucking scare to shake some sense in me actually. That scare was a short stint in juvy. Losing my freedom made me realize just how precious it was. That was when I was 17 and hear I sit nine years later. I would like to believe I am a different person. I dont consider life to be a struggle like I used to. I welcome evry new day and enjoy the small things in life. Basically what I am getting at is, "life is what you choose to make it." From this point on I will choose to live an amazing life.

I have always been on and off some form of diet and excercise, unfortunately I opted to go on an eating bonanza to end 2007. Said bonanza has packed on more wieght then I would like. I am actually somewhat uncomfortable in my own skin and will be making a serious strike at getting back in "beach" shape. I will be back to 200lbs or less asap. School will be starting again on the 17th of January and I have 3 classes left at the JC. Yes the JC. My plan is to be said and done with college pre 29. This gives me a little over two years to get it done.

Poker has been a rough and rocky road but a true blast. I would have never thought I would be playing the game so seriously when I 1st started at 19. I didnt achieve the goals I set for myself but I didnt do to bad. I envisioned myself beating the 400s for a solid win rate at this point but I am currently at the 200s. To have made it from 25NL to 200NL in a 9 month span and turned a $100 deposit into over 20K isnt to shabby. In no way am I disappointed and I did get fortunate to hit the bad beat jackpot for 5.6k. To be honest the real struggle was exactly what this blog is about. I chose, unknowingly, to make poker hard at times. A few bad bluffs mixed with a few bad beats and I would begin to doubt my abilities. Even lately I have struggled to just believe in my skills. I know I have what it takes, and then some, to beat this game at any level. This in no way means I will be taking a shot at higher levels outside of my bankroll. Banroll managment has been the key to my success and will continue to be.

To conclude 07 hasnt been too bad, but life can only get better. 08 will be the best year of my life. Poker will continue to be my profession as I pound the books. I will have my 08 goals posted soon. Stay positive know and feel what you want and it will become. Everythign we dream is possible IS.

I am a Warriors fan and I do believe!!!

Unbalanced

Basically I feel my life has lost balance. Not that it is such a bad thing but sense I opted to take the semester off from school things havent really turned out the way I wanted them to. Poker has been very swingy and basically break even. I think in large part to me trying all sorts of different styles and things. Honestly I think I hit a bad patch and paniced thinking I needed to make a dramatic change to my game which has hurt me. I have decided to recapture my true style hich was winning. I have also been on and off at the gym and good eating its been insane. It can be so hard for me sometimes to stick to a healthy life style. Lets just say it is much easier when you eat alone. Basically I am going to mainly try and stick to eating healthy and getting some good excercise until Jan 1. Then it is on like donky kong again. My target weight is 195. Right now I fluctuate between 210-215. What can I say I love a good pastrie. Oh and pizza and burritos.

So in life outside of poker I finally got me a new car. Well new for me that is. 1998 Honda accord. Hopefully this car will last me 10 years or until I am so baller I buy a new one. Signed back up for college as well. That starts Jan 10th and I am looking forward to it. Three more classes and then I am done at the JC finally. My goal has always been to get a degree before I turn 29 and I think I can still accomplish it. Also waiting on my 2nd new computer. 1st one had Vista and I couldnt stand it. Once I get th new one up and running I will be a force at the poker tables. Right now I still am but my comp can cause tilt every now and again.

Poker and life are very similar in that without balance I dont think one can perform optimally. This is something I must work on now and in the future. Maybe I will writr about how I plan n dong so soon.

Eye openeing

RE: Downward spiral

I cant explain exactly what I was feeling or why but what it was wasnt good. I had been real down on the world in general and looking at things from a half full perspective. When my insane downswong occured it made me take a step back and rethink my thinking. Usually the tone of my blogs is upbeat and optimistic. This is how I try and see the world otherwise why the fuck live, really. I wasnt doing that early last week. I was down on society and the world around me.

Sometimes I shelter myself to much from the world around me. To be honest I have no fucking clue what is going on in the news anymore. I basically live eat and breathe poker when I am not spending time with my girlfriend and her son. It isnt a bad life, slightly unbalanced yes.

I have decided to start doing a few extra things for me besides just poker. In order to excel at poker like I desire I must commit a good amount of my time to both playing and studying. This does not mean it must dictate my life and keep me from enjoying social events and interacting with my friends and loved ones. All work and no play isnt fun.

Ok so basically I lost my train of thought. What I am trying to say is I need to get back to being positive win, lose or draw. Poker results shouldnt ever dictate my mood, good or bad. Its just work. yes I am happy when I do my job well. To be honest though I should always be doing my job well and even when I do it excellent I still might lose.

Outside of poker I need to enjoy every moment of every day to its fullest. I remeber once I posted that life is about having fun. If you arent having any what the fuck are you doing? If I was born to be miserable and feel like shit all the time then I might as well buy a gun and end it. That is the truth too. This life is way to short to not enjoy every fucking minute of it. I am so guilty of allowing myself to forget this concept. Hopefully by writing it here it will stay in the front of my mind.

To sum it up. Suck it up! Life is only as good or bad as you make it. Remember you choose your path, choose the fun one. I dont care who you are, where you are, or what your life is like right now. You are the only one who has the power to make it better. Choose to live like a King or Queen. You deserve it.

Downward spiral

WOW! I am in utter shock at the 180 degree turn my poker game has just taken. I was ripping and roaring and ready to have the best month ever this month. I started off with a solid first week and was sitting on $3k+ after Friday night. Then it all came crashing down. Who is to blame? ME!!! I have to really look in the mirror here and figure out what the fuck I am doing. This is honestly the worst I have felt mentally in a real long time. To be quite honest I am in a weird place right now. My life is great in so many ways yet sucks too. My problem is my mind never stops. This is one reason I drink too. After a horrible run at the tables I cant stop beating myself up. My mind goes through the losing hands over and over. Drinking numbs that. Seriously it is sick when I lose I have trouble being happy away from the tables. It seriously effects me.

OK so i am going to try and see this from a positive point of view. I have been here before and I fought mty way out of it once. This just makes the reward that much better. As bad as I have been playing I am really only down 500 bucks on the month which I have nearly made in rakeback. Also I do take full responsibility for my play but the cards have not been very giving over this stretch.

How I will come back? Strong and with fierce aggression and a positive frame of mind. I know I have the skills to beat this game as I have proven it time and again. I will refuse to booze. I will study that much harder and work to improve the leaks in my game. This is my fault and no one elses. I will overcome.

Constant evolution.

If we arent constantly advancing as individuals and striving for improvments what is it we have? Should we become content with what we have and simply exist? I dont speak of this in the literal sense like your typical consumer. I dont mean fancying bigger and better cars and homes and clothes. Granted those are all good things to want but I speak more mentally and phsyically. Some items might be necessary in order to achieve those things such as my new computer I will be receiving in the next day or two. I also acquired a very nice office set for free today which I am quite pleased with. I love craigslists. Granted I didnt get them there but I believe it played a factor in this furniture being on the sidewalk for free.

To be honest I dont know WTF I am talking about. This similar to a previous post actually. I have a gorgeous GF and amazing little guy in my life who I love and adore. Our current living situation isnt ideal and rather then be content with what we have I desire more. I have had a fair aount of success playing poker and could be content with the level I am at but I am not. I am not overly obese and actually some might say look good, but I am not content. I feel I have a semi strong spiritual understanding but I am not content. Ok enough!

What I am saying is to become complacent and satisfied with your current state isnt horrible. Shit it might actually be heaven on Earth. I am not there yet thought. When I look around I see many who are content and you know what, I dont see that much joy and happiness. What it all boils down to is a question I ponder often, maybe to much. Why am I here? What is my purpose? Again and again I come to the same answer. To enjoy every moment I am alive and continue to better myself and those around me both mentally and physically.

With that said I have been having loads of fun in the last year but I feel certain areas of myself have been neglected. I need to spend more time connecting with mother nature. I need to get back in good physical health and stay with it. I killed it when I did my brothers 6 week plan but since then I have packed it all back on. I need to remove anger and hate from my heart. I need to stop passing judgment on others as we are all equal.

If you have vomitted in your mouth reading this I do apologize.

Life update.

I love my life. Honestly I do. When I was young I battled with depression and lack of true motivation to live. I struggled to understand why we are here. I saw the worker bees gridning through a week just to make the weekend and then wake up and do it all again. Oh they get there 2 weeks vacation once a year, if you can call it vacation. This wasnt what I wanted from life. Us as humans were not put here for that reason. I dont know the reason. If you ask me I truly appreciate the Indain way of life. I cant say I truly know it but they lived off the land and were in harmony with mother Earth.

Currently I have found an occupation which allows me to do what I want when I want, for the most part. Also I have come to a great understanding of myself and the game of poker. If you look back on this and my other blogs there is a direct correlation between alchol and my best and worst months. August I didnt drink at all and I killed it. September I started drinking again and I got killed. I dont directly blame alchol but rather myself. Alchol weakens the brain and in order to excel at poker you need mental strength. If you cant stay strong mentally when the cards are going against you cant succeed at poker. This game is about mental toughness and making proper decisions that will have a profitable result in the long run. Mental weakness can take over and cause you to become results oriented and seek instant gratification. This isnt what poker is about. I have been boozing this month with mixed results and it wasnt till I had my breakthrough that I have decided to keep a close eye on my consumption.

October has been a great month starting with me hitting a 5.6K badbeat jackpot on the site I play at. This gave me a big bosst of confidence because I instantly had a huge bankroll and could take a shot at 200NL again without fearing losing. Since taking my second shot I have won back the 10BI's I dropped last month and then some and am feeling very confident in my ability to play winning poker at that stake. I look forward to continue success at 200NL with 400NL right around the corner. I apologize for the randomness of this post but that is how my mind works.

BR $13500<---from $100 deposited in late Feb.