Downward spiral

WOW! I am in utter shock at the 180 degree turn my poker game has just taken. I was ripping and roaring and ready to have the best month ever this month. I started off with a solid first week and was sitting on $3k+ after Friday night. Then it all came crashing down. Who is to blame? ME!!! I have to really look in the mirror here and figure out what the fuck I am doing. This is honestly the worst I have felt mentally in a real long time. To be quite honest I am in a weird place right now. My life is great in so many ways yet sucks too. My problem is my mind never stops. This is one reason I drink too. After a horrible run at the tables I cant stop beating myself up. My mind goes through the losing hands over and over. Drinking numbs that. Seriously it is sick when I lose I have trouble being happy away from the tables. It seriously effects me.

OK so i am going to try and see this from a positive point of view. I have been here before and I fought mty way out of it once. This just makes the reward that much better. As bad as I have been playing I am really only down 500 bucks on the month which I have nearly made in rakeback. Also I do take full responsibility for my play but the cards have not been very giving over this stretch.

How I will come back? Strong and with fierce aggression and a positive frame of mind. I know I have the skills to beat this game as I have proven it time and again. I will refuse to booze. I will study that much harder and work to improve the leaks in my game. This is my fault and no one elses. I will overcome.