Constant evolution.

If we arent constantly advancing as individuals and striving for improvments what is it we have? Should we become content with what we have and simply exist? I dont speak of this in the literal sense like your typical consumer. I dont mean fancying bigger and better cars and homes and clothes. Granted those are all good things to want but I speak more mentally and phsyically. Some items might be necessary in order to achieve those things such as my new computer I will be receiving in the next day or two. I also acquired a very nice office set for free today which I am quite pleased with. I love craigslists. Granted I didnt get them there but I believe it played a factor in this furniture being on the sidewalk for free.

To be honest I dont know WTF I am talking about. This similar to a previous post actually. I have a gorgeous GF and amazing little guy in my life who I love and adore. Our current living situation isnt ideal and rather then be content with what we have I desire more. I have had a fair aount of success playing poker and could be content with the level I am at but I am not. I am not overly obese and actually some might say look good, but I am not content. I feel I have a semi strong spiritual understanding but I am not content. Ok enough!

What I am saying is to become complacent and satisfied with your current state isnt horrible. Shit it might actually be heaven on Earth. I am not there yet thought. When I look around I see many who are content and you know what, I dont see that much joy and happiness. What it all boils down to is a question I ponder often, maybe to much. Why am I here? What is my purpose? Again and again I come to the same answer. To enjoy every moment I am alive and continue to better myself and those around me both mentally and physically.

With that said I have been having loads of fun in the last year but I feel certain areas of myself have been neglected. I need to spend more time connecting with mother nature. I need to get back in good physical health and stay with it. I killed it when I did my brothers 6 week plan but since then I have packed it all back on. I need to remove anger and hate from my heart. I need to stop passing judgment on others as we are all equal.

If you have vomitted in your mouth reading this I do apologize.

Life update.

I love my life. Honestly I do. When I was young I battled with depression and lack of true motivation to live. I struggled to understand why we are here. I saw the worker bees gridning through a week just to make the weekend and then wake up and do it all again. Oh they get there 2 weeks vacation once a year, if you can call it vacation. This wasnt what I wanted from life. Us as humans were not put here for that reason. I dont know the reason. If you ask me I truly appreciate the Indain way of life. I cant say I truly know it but they lived off the land and were in harmony with mother Earth.

Currently I have found an occupation which allows me to do what I want when I want, for the most part. Also I have come to a great understanding of myself and the game of poker. If you look back on this and my other blogs there is a direct correlation between alchol and my best and worst months. August I didnt drink at all and I killed it. September I started drinking again and I got killed. I dont directly blame alchol but rather myself. Alchol weakens the brain and in order to excel at poker you need mental strength. If you cant stay strong mentally when the cards are going against you cant succeed at poker. This game is about mental toughness and making proper decisions that will have a profitable result in the long run. Mental weakness can take over and cause you to become results oriented and seek instant gratification. This isnt what poker is about. I have been boozing this month with mixed results and it wasnt till I had my breakthrough that I have decided to keep a close eye on my consumption.

October has been a great month starting with me hitting a 5.6K badbeat jackpot on the site I play at. This gave me a big bosst of confidence because I instantly had a huge bankroll and could take a shot at 200NL again without fearing losing. Since taking my second shot I have won back the 10BI's I dropped last month and then some and am feeling very confident in my ability to play winning poker at that stake. I look forward to continue success at 200NL with 400NL right around the corner. I apologize for the randomness of this post but that is how my mind works.

BR $13500<---from $100 deposited in late Feb.

A new month

The Tao is like a well:
used but never used up.
It is like the eternal void:
filled with infinite possibilities.

It is hidden but always present.
I dont know who gave birth to it.
It is older than God.

"Infinite possibilities." This is the human life. Life is filled with infinite possibilities yet it is up to us to keep knocking on doors and opening them. This is actually something I was thinking about the other day and I related it to my Mom and Dad. They are two totally different people. Basically there are so many different peopel in the world buit I think in reality they all fall into two different categories. Well atleast in America as I see it. On one hand you have the person who finds their nitch and comfort level and accepts it and lives their life safely and content. On the other you have the person who is always hungry for more and is never satisfied with their life as it is. They are constantly searching and seeking more.

Is one better then the other? Can one be both? This is the harmony I seek. I seek to be content with my life as it is yet motivated and driven to always search for ways to improve the areas which might be lacking.