Life is...

...too short. I dont know why I typed that. Anyways as you know I am always reading and the latest book is the 7 habits of highly effective people. the 1st habbit is becoming proactive. I havent fully grasped the whole idea but it centers on realizing that you create how you feel and no one else. Think about that statement. It is true. "Ah that jerk cut me off what a dick." You created that reality. I am mad because... You choose this emotion. You are the creator of your condition. This is obviously dumbed down. Let me give an exert: "Look at the word responsibility-"response-ability"- the abilty to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstanes, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. their behavior is a product of their own concious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.
Because we are, by nature, proactive, if our lives are a function of conditioning and conditions, it is because we have, by concious decision or default, chosen to empower those things to control us.
In making such a choice, we become reactive."

Quick ramble

2008 has been awesome so far. Made it to the snow once already on an epic day, spending time with the loves of my life and my job is going well too. The biggest news is without any coercing Marcello has begun calling me Dad. At 1st I was unsure how to react but it is amazing to be quite honest. Now i just need to step my game up. Big things are in the works for 2008, big things. For x-mas I got a killer book from my dad's fiance called "Excuse me your life is waiting" I strongly recommened giving it a read. It is about the law of attraction but the read is simple and entertaining yet packed with knowledge. Sorry for the lack of posts. Dont excpect an abundance anytime soon because now I have even less time with school being under way.

2008 goals

To conclude 07 hasnt been too bad, but life can only get better. 08 will be the best year of my life. Poker will continue to be my profession as I pound the books. I will have my 08 goals posted soon. Stay positive know and feel what you want and it will become. Everythign we dream is possible IS.

As promised I will outline my goals and desires for 2008, in no particluar order.

• Transfer to a four year college.
• Get in the best shape of my life.
• Move in with the love of my life and our son.
• Continue improving my poker game while steadily moving up the stakes(see poker blog).
• Enjoy every moment of every day.
• Reduce my alchol intake to next to nothing.
• Travel.
• Learn to surf.
• Eat and live healthy.

I probably could come up with a few more but this looks pretty solid. I may examine each goal and discuss how it will be achieved later. Today is my last day of being a drunken bum so i am sitting here drinking beer. I am very excited about 08. This is going to be a great year. May you all have an awesome New Year!!!

P.S. Be safe, dont drink and drive.

Life is what you ______ make it.

Who didnt know that? For most of my early years I chose to struggle. I was always in trouble in school or with the law. I never truly enjoyed living much and many times considered suicide. Now this isnt some sob story or attempt at inspiration either, just the cold hard truth. It took a real fucking scare to shake some sense in me actually. That scare was a short stint in juvy. Losing my freedom made me realize just how precious it was. That was when I was 17 and hear I sit nine years later. I would like to believe I am a different person. I dont consider life to be a struggle like I used to. I welcome evry new day and enjoy the small things in life. Basically what I am getting at is, "life is what you choose to make it." From this point on I will choose to live an amazing life.

I have always been on and off some form of diet and excercise, unfortunately I opted to go on an eating bonanza to end 2007. Said bonanza has packed on more wieght then I would like. I am actually somewhat uncomfortable in my own skin and will be making a serious strike at getting back in "beach" shape. I will be back to 200lbs or less asap. School will be starting again on the 17th of January and I have 3 classes left at the JC. Yes the JC. My plan is to be said and done with college pre 29. This gives me a little over two years to get it done.

Poker has been a rough and rocky road but a true blast. I would have never thought I would be playing the game so seriously when I 1st started at 19. I didnt achieve the goals I set for myself but I didnt do to bad. I envisioned myself beating the 400s for a solid win rate at this point but I am currently at the 200s. To have made it from 25NL to 200NL in a 9 month span and turned a $100 deposit into over 20K isnt to shabby. In no way am I disappointed and I did get fortunate to hit the bad beat jackpot for 5.6k. To be honest the real struggle was exactly what this blog is about. I chose, unknowingly, to make poker hard at times. A few bad bluffs mixed with a few bad beats and I would begin to doubt my abilities. Even lately I have struggled to just believe in my skills. I know I have what it takes, and then some, to beat this game at any level. This in no way means I will be taking a shot at higher levels outside of my bankroll. Banroll managment has been the key to my success and will continue to be.

To conclude 07 hasnt been too bad, but life can only get better. 08 will be the best year of my life. Poker will continue to be my profession as I pound the books. I will have my 08 goals posted soon. Stay positive know and feel what you want and it will become. Everythign we dream is possible IS.

I am a Warriors fan and I do believe!!!

Unbalanced

Basically I feel my life has lost balance. Not that it is such a bad thing but sense I opted to take the semester off from school things havent really turned out the way I wanted them to. Poker has been very swingy and basically break even. I think in large part to me trying all sorts of different styles and things. Honestly I think I hit a bad patch and paniced thinking I needed to make a dramatic change to my game which has hurt me. I have decided to recapture my true style hich was winning. I have also been on and off at the gym and good eating its been insane. It can be so hard for me sometimes to stick to a healthy life style. Lets just say it is much easier when you eat alone. Basically I am going to mainly try and stick to eating healthy and getting some good excercise until Jan 1. Then it is on like donky kong again. My target weight is 195. Right now I fluctuate between 210-215. What can I say I love a good pastrie. Oh and pizza and burritos.

So in life outside of poker I finally got me a new car. Well new for me that is. 1998 Honda accord. Hopefully this car will last me 10 years or until I am so baller I buy a new one. Signed back up for college as well. That starts Jan 10th and I am looking forward to it. Three more classes and then I am done at the JC finally. My goal has always been to get a degree before I turn 29 and I think I can still accomplish it. Also waiting on my 2nd new computer. 1st one had Vista and I couldnt stand it. Once I get th new one up and running I will be a force at the poker tables. Right now I still am but my comp can cause tilt every now and again.

Poker and life are very similar in that without balance I dont think one can perform optimally. This is something I must work on now and in the future. Maybe I will writr about how I plan n dong so soon.

Eye openeing

RE: Downward spiral

I cant explain exactly what I was feeling or why but what it was wasnt good. I had been real down on the world in general and looking at things from a half full perspective. When my insane downswong occured it made me take a step back and rethink my thinking. Usually the tone of my blogs is upbeat and optimistic. This is how I try and see the world otherwise why the fuck live, really. I wasnt doing that early last week. I was down on society and the world around me.

Sometimes I shelter myself to much from the world around me. To be honest I have no fucking clue what is going on in the news anymore. I basically live eat and breathe poker when I am not spending time with my girlfriend and her son. It isnt a bad life, slightly unbalanced yes.

I have decided to start doing a few extra things for me besides just poker. In order to excel at poker like I desire I must commit a good amount of my time to both playing and studying. This does not mean it must dictate my life and keep me from enjoying social events and interacting with my friends and loved ones. All work and no play isnt fun.

Ok so basically I lost my train of thought. What I am trying to say is I need to get back to being positive win, lose or draw. Poker results shouldnt ever dictate my mood, good or bad. Its just work. yes I am happy when I do my job well. To be honest though I should always be doing my job well and even when I do it excellent I still might lose.

Outside of poker I need to enjoy every moment of every day to its fullest. I remeber once I posted that life is about having fun. If you arent having any what the fuck are you doing? If I was born to be miserable and feel like shit all the time then I might as well buy a gun and end it. That is the truth too. This life is way to short to not enjoy every fucking minute of it. I am so guilty of allowing myself to forget this concept. Hopefully by writing it here it will stay in the front of my mind.

To sum it up. Suck it up! Life is only as good or bad as you make it. Remember you choose your path, choose the fun one. I dont care who you are, where you are, or what your life is like right now. You are the only one who has the power to make it better. Choose to live like a King or Queen. You deserve it.

Downward spiral

WOW! I am in utter shock at the 180 degree turn my poker game has just taken. I was ripping and roaring and ready to have the best month ever this month. I started off with a solid first week and was sitting on $3k+ after Friday night. Then it all came crashing down. Who is to blame? ME!!! I have to really look in the mirror here and figure out what the fuck I am doing. This is honestly the worst I have felt mentally in a real long time. To be quite honest I am in a weird place right now. My life is great in so many ways yet sucks too. My problem is my mind never stops. This is one reason I drink too. After a horrible run at the tables I cant stop beating myself up. My mind goes through the losing hands over and over. Drinking numbs that. Seriously it is sick when I lose I have trouble being happy away from the tables. It seriously effects me.

OK so i am going to try and see this from a positive point of view. I have been here before and I fought mty way out of it once. This just makes the reward that much better. As bad as I have been playing I am really only down 500 bucks on the month which I have nearly made in rakeback. Also I do take full responsibility for my play but the cards have not been very giving over this stretch.

How I will come back? Strong and with fierce aggression and a positive frame of mind. I know I have the skills to beat this game as I have proven it time and again. I will refuse to booze. I will study that much harder and work to improve the leaks in my game. This is my fault and no one elses. I will overcome.