Flash back

WOW! I just had a mega tilt relapse. I mean it was subtle yet disgusting. I played an uber gay session and then my computer shit on me so i decided to not reboot. I was killing time and thought why not play some more. Well because I was on tilt thats why. I proceeded to drop 3-4BI by playing like a clown. I literally hate myself at this moment. This month has been so gay after how well January was. I dont know what to say I am to blame. Basically I played 20k hands of roller coaster poker and thanks to todays sweet performance I ended down just under 2BI's. I cant wait for March to get here.

Rough day.

Today was just a brutal day at the tables. It sucks because I wanted to close out this month on a sick heater and was doing well this week till today. I only burned 3BI's but not sure if they were actually burnt. I mean I know like 1 was due to poor decisions but fuck my life did the cards just hate me today. Sickest hand was one I posted on Leggo which hurt. It pains me how amazingly fishy the games are at night yet how terribly the cards seems to roll off when I need them to be my friend the most. Truth is you need some luck when donks are in abundance because they will pay you off. Only thing is you have to have it to get payed otherwise you just get owned. It was simply a day where KK ran into AA twice, every 3bet bluff got caught, and every draw missed when they were mine and got there when they werent. Thing is I feel good and know I have what it takes. This isnt a fml poker is gay post. This is just a reminder that some days just suck but all we can do is keep our head high and focus on the decisions we make.

So far so good.

I have been loosely sticking to my outlined plans and I am feeling good. I find it really helps my poker to be active away from the tables. I am able to stay focused longer and minimize tilt much better. I have been running decent except for none of my big pockets seem to be getting much action preflop. I am lucky to even get a call. In order to maintain my VIP status on AP I am forced to 6 table at the moment. I have chosen to play pretty nitty and seems to be working well. Playing 19/15 isnt terribly fun but it makes monies. March I will most likely move back to 4 tables and focus heavily on improving my postflop play so I can jump into 200NL as early as Mar 5th.

Za future!

Though I think a strict schedule can fuck me up I need to set some sort of outline for my daily living. Basically i want to start getting out of bed by 7am which gives me 2 hours with my son before school.

9am I will come home and go on a walk/bike ride/jog.
10am Snack and study the pokers.
11am M/W/F Gym for some weights.
12-4pm The pokers! Obviously with lunch and some breaks mixed in. Hopefully be able to log 800-1k hands.

4-8pm Hang with the fam.
8pm-Bedtime Poker/sweats/wifey time.


There it is! The times are just a rough guide.

Theme of my life?

Not sure if that or even this makes sense. Basically I have concluded while on a walk in the rain today that I am in fact my own worst enemy. I imagine we all can say this but for my chosen life/profession it is insanely spot on. After an insane amount of hands under my belt it is rare that I dont know when to fold because I am beat yet countless times I find myself clicking call or jamming all my chips in. Combine that little leak with tilt and we have a major problem on our hands. Might explain my return to 100NL. The truth is I am glad I am at 100NL because I must overcome these barriers before I am deserving of playing higher. The best part, I feel I am very fucking close.

Besides poker I am my own worst enemy in the health department too. Fuck me I mean I have been blogging about this shit for too fucking long. Its time to sack up and be a man. Time to stop making excuses and start owning this world. Only I can do it. World watch the fuck out!

Here is a fine example of a spot where I think folding the flop is the obvious play. Funny thing is I had seen this 40/10 do this one time before VS a different villain and thought to myself "what a donk I bet he had QQ+" Then he does it to me and I am like well this is the 2nd time I have seen him do this in the session, I have FD I ARRRRRIN Terrible really!

$0.5/$1 No Limit Holdem
5 players
Converted at weaktight.com


Stacks:

Hero (UTG)		($182.37)
CO		($107.98)
BTN		($182.70)
SB		($150.13)
BB		($108.32)

Pre-flop: ($1.50, 5 players) Hero is UTG

Hero raises to $3.50, CO raises to $7, 2 folds, BB calls $6, Hero calls $3.50

Flop: ($21.50, 3 players)
BB checks, Hero checks, CO bets $21.50, BB folds, Hero raises to $175.37, CO calls $79.48

Turn: ($297.85, 2 players)

River: ($297.85, 2 players)

Final Pot: $297.85
Hero shows:
CO shows:

Hero wins $74.39 ( lost -$107.98 )
CO wins $219.96 ( won +$111.98 )
BB lost -$7

Why?

Why in gods name do I play poker? Honestly the real reason I started playing poker was because I realized that unlike black jack and other casino games this was one where you could actually create an edge and win by being better then everyone else. After realizing that I bought 3 books off amazon and started the grind at 3/6 limit holdem. I never really fell for no limit when everyone else was because I was a NIT and had a real hard time testing people with big bets. It wasnt till CR that I realized I could crush at no limit.

Fast forward to today and I play poker to earn a living. The thing is I have been having a real hard time feeling like a success since July of 08. Basically at that time I became complacent and just played without given much though to my game. While others were continuing to improve and try new things I slowly fell behind the curve. Here in lies my question. What can I do to fix it?

Though I was 6 tabling with a fair amount of success in Jan. the same hasnt been the case this month. I think it is time to revert back to the old less is more approach. The other thing which has plagued me as of late is the results checking. I have played 4 straight losing sessions since I returned to checking results mid session.

I can cry and blame bad luck but then I would just be another chump as fish. It is time to face the music and fix my leaks. Wiht that said I will be playing out Feb without viewing my results. Also I am limiting my tables to 4 with each session having one aspect of my game to focus on.

Boo fucking who

Probably not the correct spelling but who cares. my last post was a little whiny bitch post about how hard my life is, well I am here to tell you it isnt. I havent had a to punch in or take orders from a boss since April 2007. Tough life right? Fuck no it aint. I love this life I live. At times it is difficult due to the nature of my work and just the nature of me. I have always wanted to just be settled in, family, job, house. Truth be told is that really what I want? Well yes and no. I love my family but I dont know if I want some 9-5 M-F job just working for the weekends. When I allow poker to become that it starts to suck. This month I allowed that to happen again.


NEW PLAN:Dedicate yourself to a continuous cycle of analysis and improvement.

This is one of the 7 elements of the poker mindset and one that is most important. It is time to realize I dont know everything, in truth I fucking suck. From this day forward I will not play any poker till I have spent at least 1 hour reviewing/studying the game.

My goal is to finish February strong and be prepared to start taking shots at 200NL. I will then return to 50k hand plan. Basically I will play 200NL for no less then 50k hands before i consider taking a shot at 400NL. I intend to be back at 400NL by May and book my 1st $20k month by July. During this time I will also be giving considerable to thought to my future as a poker player.