Its been too long.

I havent posted in ages and to be quite frank I feel I have lost that positive edge I was carrying around. I dont quite know where it went. As I write this I think it might have to actually do with drinking again. Sounds kinda crazy but everything in my world was on the up and up. Cards were running great, was gearing up for my last semester at school and then I started drinking again. Crads feel to shit and I opted to take the semster off. Quincidence? Mayeb, maybe not. Either way there is no excuse for me behavior and my lack of positivity. Do I have everything I could ever want in life? Of course not but who the f%$k does anyways. For me life is still pretty sweet and I know with the proper frame of mind I can do what ever I want and achieve whatever it is I want.

This month has been my toughest month of poker yet and this could have a lot to do with my struggles spiritually as well. Its truly a challenge to stay positive and up beat when the cards run as bad as they have. For those who arent in the know about poker I will display one of the many evil hands I have run into this month for your viewing pleasure. http://www.pokerhand.org/?1513877 It is doubly devastating that my struggles have occured as I attempted to make a move up. What that means it that basically all my wins and of course loses double in value. I dont doubt for one minute my ability to beat the next level and will continue to make shots. At the same time it is demoralizing to move up and play your best only to have 22-1 long shot spike his 2 outer on the river for an $800 pot.

With all the crying done I will have you know that even though it may sound like I am losing my house I am actually ahead for the month in all aspects of my line of work. I have several sources of income besides the raw earnings from my play. I have begun coaching a fellow player at a rate of 25 an hour with 4hrs of coaching a week. Also I have done a solid amount of relaod and RB. My bank roll as actually grown while I have suffered the toughest dry spell of my career. Current BR standing, $9367. That is +$1914 from my last BR post on 8/27 so not so bad at all.

Throughout my journey I have continued to set goals for myself and yet I have continually failed. I am not a failure. I will succeed at poker, life, and above all being happy. From this moment forward my goal is to play poker to the best of my ability and not allow the outcome of individual hands effect my emotions. I will dedicate 4 hours a day to playing poker and another 2 to some form of study of the game. I will continue my gym routine and add in some solid cardio. I will get back on track with my eating habbits. I will lighten my alcohol intake. Please pause for I must open a nice cold beer(Kamahl you had Anchor Summer Brew?) ah cold beer. Anyways I dont know precisely where this is going but I havent written forever and that could be another thing. This blog has helped me in a major way and I have neglected it. I love you blog. Please take me back. I thank you faithful reader if you have reached this point ansd please pray that next time I get it in best I hold.